Adoption Do's and Do Not's

I am a member of an adoption forum that helped me find support during my two adoption journeys. It also provided support and lots of answers to questions my own agency did not or could not answer.

Recently, one of the members wrote a post concerning the "Do's and Do Not's" of adoptions. This is specific on what you should not ask or say to an adoptive parent and/or child. I found it very interesting and informative, being that I've personally been asked several of the (don't ask) questions form friends and family.

Adoption is a very unique journey of the heart. It is sometimes looked upon as an act of charity or kidness, however, I have found it to be quite the opposite in my personal case. I am the one that feels privileged to have been chosen as the mother of these two amazing little persons. I have been given the honor of parenting these loving, caring precious children. Although I will never personally know the extent of "why" they were given up for adoption, nor can I tell you "why" I was the one intrusted with raising them, I thank God for the distinct opportunity of doing so.

Everyone has the opportunity of growing their family differently. That's part of having freedom and choices. I was blessed with five biological blessings and now have the honor of raising two additional angels. I don't differentiate biological or adopted children in any way and truly wish others wouldn't ask "which are mine" because they ALL are MINE. That's why I found this list to be so powerful....

I'd like to post a copy of the list the forum member posted for everyone to read and take note.

1.Please do not introduce XXX as "Our adopted grandson/nephew."

2.Please do not make any racial jokes of any kind, no matter how "harmless." There are no harmless jokes.

3.Please love and respect XXX's birthmother.

4.Please do not comment on how you could "never give up your own children." Especially not ever in front of XXXX. You are making an indirectly giving your opinion of XXX's birthmother.

5.Please see XXX as an individual.

6.Please do not make any racist comments about any OTHER race.

7.XXX does NOT owe us anything. XXX is NOT lucky to have us. He did not ask to be born. He certainly didn't ask to be adopted. We are the ones who are lucky.

8. Please learn positive adoption language and use it.

10. There really is no such thing as "race"; we are the human race. There are different cultures and ethnicities.

11.Just as there are different types of people, there are different ways of building families. Adoption is another way and is not a better or worse way of building a family than biologically or any other way. It's just different.