Today, I answered another question concerning why I adopted. Before responding, I take a deep breath and consider the source. Sometimes I go off.... Here are some questions I've been asked....Why did you adopt? (answer... because my husband and I decided to)What made you want to? (God) How did you find them?(God showed me the way) How do you do it? (God gives me the ability, foundation and patience), You deserve a medal (I have my medals, they are my children), They are so lucky (We are the lucky ones, we were the ones chosen to raise these precious children), God will repay you (God has rewarded
us by matching us with these children), Do they know they are adopted? (We speak to our older son about his adoption, our younger son can't speak yet), Will you tell them they are adopted? (The adoptions will be completely common place since we've already began to explain it to our older son), Do you love them the same as your own kids? (They are my own kids) Why did you adopt two? (Because God placed them in my life) Why would you want to start raising children all over again? (Gosh, am I that old?) Are you done or are you going to adopt more? (Why do you ask? Do you want me to adopt yours? LOL) Your like the Angelina Jolie of the Police Department (Nahh, I've got her by at least 80 lbs, and if I where Angelina Jolie, I wouldn't need to work). Is it expensive to get one? (Are you referring to my sons or an item?) Now you have a roofer and a yard guy (No longer speaking to this person).
The above are some of the questions and comments I've been exposed during the past two years. Some questions are innocent, others not so innocent, some comments made directly from the heart, others are undignified. Nonetheless, all seriously make me cringe.
I became a mother at the tender age of 20 and continued growing my family until the age of 36. I never dreamed of adoption, didn't think of it, never crossing my mind. Until that faithful day...... My life changed in so many ways. All from just taking my then 3 year old daughter to her yearly physical at her pediatricians office. There, I met a lady with two beautiful daughters who played along with my then 3 year old daughter. In conversation, the mother mentioned they were adopted, one from Guatemala and the other from Costa Rica. I was extremely curious, and cautious at the same time. I asked how difficult is it to adopt? I have one son and four daughters, my husband and I are done having biologicial children, but if we could afford to, we would consider adopting a little boy. She gave me her agency's website address. I went home and got right on my computer and visited that website. Much to my surprise, I found a photolisting of children that needed homes, waiting children. Pages of children pictured, beautiful babies all with only one thing in common, they were orphans.
So many emotions ran through me. I had so many unanswered questions. How and why where these kids listed and why where they being advertised as "on hold" "matched" "available"... What and how could they do this? I remember looking through that website and viewing it and finding a big brown eyed dark haired gorgeous baby boy named "Juan Carlos" and marked as "available". I looked into his innocent eyes and just felt this child was the reason I had been lead to this quest. I called my unaware husband and told him about my day and what I had discussed with that lady I had met at the pediatricians office. He thought nothing of it. I printed his picture and waited for my husband to get home. Poor guy didn't know what he was about to walk into.
My husband "Juan" gets home, I was egerly awaiting his arrival. I was desperately waiting to tell him about all the feelings and all the questions I had dealt with that day. I just showed him this picture and said, this is our son. My husband thought I had seriously lost my mind. What are you talking about? Who is that kid? Did you loose your mind or are you on drugs? Yeap, this is the response I
received.... Luckily, I am married to a wonderful man who married me and took on the responsibility of raising my three children. We later added two more girls and now I'm asking for what? After a long explanation, he looked at that picture and said to me "call the agency and find out"..... This was his way of saying, I feel the same, lets see if we can swing it.
I called my agency and spoke with the owner who advised me this child was available and would be mine if I completed all the paperwork that was required. And so it began, our quest for J.R. become real. I could seriously say that he became my son the DAY I saw his picture. I knew he was MY son, he may not have been born of my flesh, but he was born of my heart.
So, you see, all the questions and comments people impose on adoptive parents are usually very innocent and are mostly asked out of curiosity, but they consistently remind the adoptive parent that their child is different in some type of way. I have experienced both biological and adoptive parenting and can tell you that the love you feel and the parent/child bond is exactly the same in both cases. Both
my boys were born in Guatemala and my love for them was born the day I saw their referral pictures. So, please, whenever you come across a blended family be gentle and think about how your questions or comments could negatively impact their feelings. I have seen gained many friends through our adoption process and I have also lost several long term relationships due to insensitive, crude comments aimed directly at my beloved children. Ok, I feel better now!
